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Scuba Humor: Even More Scuba Demotivational Posters

Noreen — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 18:44:44 +0000

Like most scuba divers, when we’re taking time off diving or just off-gassing we love a good laugh. Scuba Diving Jokes no matter how many times we’ve heard them before, never fail to tickle our funny bone. In the past we’ve posted funny Scuba demotivational posters that have been a big hit on the site (if you missed it click here), so here are a few more to get a good laugh out of…

Also See:
Top 10 Scuba Demotivational Posters
More Scuba Demotivational Posters

Scuba Humor: Even More Scuba Demotivational Posters

Noreen — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 17:21:07 +0000

If you missed our Top 10 Scuba Demotivational Posters CLICK HERE

Here’s a look at even more Scuba demotivational posters that’ll make you crack a smile…

Scuba Humor: 5 Steps to Avoid A Shark Attack

Noreen — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 16:06:51 +0000

1: Swim with fat people- Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions. If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with A-1 Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds survival. Hell even if you don’t know them, tell them you’ll put some A-1, I mean suntan lotion on their back. (wink, wink) If they say it would be weird because they only just met you, say “it’s only weird if you make it weird… …buddy.”

2: Don’t swim in the ocean- By not swimming in the ocean the odds of getting bit by a shark decrease by ten. If you are unsure if you are actually in an ocean, taste it. If it tastes like a soggy salty peanut bag at the big game, you’re in the ocean. GET OUT!

3: Listen out for the music- In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean, listen carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvelous documentary film Jaws. All shark attacks are preceded by the “daah-da, daah-da” The faster the sound gets the closer the shark is.

4: Don’t go into the water without a dive knife- This is not to defend yourself but to stab the person (a.k.a the decoy) closest to you in the case of a shark attack. Once you are sure the “decoy” is bleeding profusely…..swim for your freakin life. In the event the stabbed person (a.k.a. decoy) get’s eaten and the shark is still coming, start stabbing anyone within arms reach, it’s survival of the fittest at this point.

5: Don’t panic- Remember, it’s not about how you have lived your life, but how you leave this world. You my friend are about to leave this world. You are in the mouth of the most fierce predator in the ocean… so do something cool like wave to the people freaking out on the shore and yell, “I got him!”.

Scuba Humor: More Scuba Demotivational Posters

Noreen — Mon, 17 May 2010 16:26:01 +0000

If you missed our Top 10 Scuba Demotivational Posters CLICK HERE

Here’s a look at more Scuba demotivational posters that’ll make you crack a smile…

Scuba Humor: Top 10 Scuba Demotivational Posters

Noreen — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:01:44 +0000

Here’s a look at the Top 10 Scuba demotivational posters that’ll make you crack a smile…

25 Ways to Tell You’re Addicted to Scuba Diving

Nevin — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 20:03:22 +0000

You Know you’re Addicted to Scuba Diving When..

1.You flunked high school physics but you amazingly can calculate the partial pressure of a gas in equilibrium and its solubility and absorption rate by the body during a dive using Henry’s Law!

2. Every morning the sound of shaving foam (psshhhht) makes you want to go diving.

3. You’re the only one out of your office buddies that doesn’t snicker when the word “Off-gassing” is mentioned.

4. You get out of bed in the morning by doing a back-roll.

5.You’ve never watched Star Wars but you’ll watch “The Abyss”, “Men Of Honor” or “Deep Blue Sea” 100 times.

6. Then you finally start watching the Star Wars movies and think to yourself “Man, Darth Vader really needs to get that regulator replaced”

7. You show up at your neighborhood swimming pool during the off-season in full dive gear hoping to log some bottom time.

8. You’re the only one who isn’t blushing when you ask your friends, “Want to see some Nudi pictures?

9. You have more ‘C’ cards than credit cards in your wallet.

10. You’re more worried about your divers insurance payments than your health insurance.

11. Your preferred method of getting high is to get ‘narced’ on a deep dive.

12. When your kid’s first words are PA-DI instead of Dad-dy.

13. You see a perfectly good ship and think that would make a nice wreck to dive in.

14. You spend most of your time picking apart the unrealities in the latest Hollywood diving flick rather than watching the movie.

15. You automatically equalize your ears by performing the valsalva maneuver every time you step into an elevator.

16. You answer “Suunto” when asked what kind of computer you use.

17. You spit on your car windshield to prevent it from fogging up.

18. You can’t afford a wristwatch cos you spent all your money on an expensive dive computer instead.

19. While others long for Rolex, Omega or Tag Heuer on their wrists you’d settle for a Mares, Suunto or Oceanic.

20. When you think your neighbors’ vacation to Belize was a waste of money cos they didn’t do any Scuba Diving.

21. When getting a “reverse squeeze” has nothing to do with your girlfriend grabbing your butt!

22. You can’t remember your wedding anniversary but always know when Discovery Channels “Shark Week” is on.

23. You get excited about the viz while you go swimming in a pool.

24. The only suit in your closet besides your wedding suit…is your wetsuit!

25. And you need serious help… if your wedding suit IS your wetsuit.

*Photo credits: photo by joeduty on flickr

Scuba Humor: Scuba Comics by Fritz (Rackafracka)

Noreen — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 15:52:50 +0000

Like any other scuba diver, when we’re taking time off diving or just off-gassing we love a good laugh. Scuba Diving Jokes no matter how many times we’ve heard them before, never fail to tickle our funny bone, which is why we started the Scuba Humor section right here on AquaViews. It was a real delight to come across these light hearted Scuba comics by cartoonist Frtiz of the Rackafracka comic strip.

For more of Fritz’s comics visit www.fritzcartoons.com where you can even order a custom drawn cartoon for your business.

Top 10 Things You Never Want To Hear Your Dive Instructor Say

Noreen — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:13:47 +0000

10. “Hey, you’re the first guest since “the disappearance.”

9. “I’ll give you half off the dive today, if you know something about boat motors.”

8. “Currents? Oh, I wouldn’t worry about currents. If we don’t find you, search and rescue will.”

7. “Here put this mask on, your face is killin’ me.”

6. “I think I got some jerky stuck in my teeth.” (as he uses the reflection in your mask to check)

5. “Now this cylinder has 2000lbs of air in it. So bend with your knees.”

4. “I hope you’re as good as the last guy I took out. He saved my life! Twice…”

3. “If I teach you one thing today, don’t ever try to punch a shark when he has his mouth open.”

2. “Welcome to the food chain folks. You are no longer at the top of it.”

1. “Sorry I’m late. Had a Funeral to go to. I barely knew the guy, met him on the last trip…”

*Photo Credits: photos by Nemo’s great uncle on flickr

Scuba Diving Is Not For You IF…

Noreen — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:41:47 +0000

Scuba diving, like anything isn’t for everyone. Here are a few simple ways to tell if it’s not for you-

1.If your fellow diver gives you the “Ok” signal and you give him “the bird.”

2. If you joke that safety stops are for wussies.

3. When your dive buddy gives you the “out of air” signal, do you say things like, “sucks to be you”, or, “Wait here, I’ll go get you some” while swimming off?

4. Do you offer to race other divers to the surface?

5. Do you spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask?

6. If you think being neutral in the water means not fighting with your dive buddy.

7. If you wait for the tingly feeling, as a signal to surface.

8. If you have a hard time figuring out which fin goes on which foot.

9. Did you move to Kansas to avoid shark attacks?

10. If you don’t wear fins because it’s hard to walk on the bottom…

…perhaps diving just isn’t for you.

*Photo credits: Photos by Andy Ciordia, Gagliardo_ on flickr.